Air Force Test This will drive you nuts.

YOU MIGHT BE A MARINE IF:

1. You've ever used the term "Oohrah" in any context other than sarcasm.
2. The blue prints of your dream home are based on a Quonset hut.
3. You've ever rolled pennies to buy beer on a weeknight.
3. You've ever sold blood to buy beer.
5. You've ever financed a tattoo.
6. You met your wife at a strip joint.
7. You and your roommate share the same woman.
8. Your kid has a high & tight.
9. You still have your full basic issue.
10. Your boot polish doesn't come out of a bottle.
11. Your cammies have more starch than your potatoes.
12. You refer to McDonald's food as "chow."
13. You've ever bought your girlfriend a "bag nasty."
14. You've ever read your 'Battle Skills' book for fun.
15. You still know all your General Orders.
16. You refer to E-2s as "My PFC," or "Young Devil Dog."
17. You call your friends "Devil Dog."
18. Your #1 credit reference is DPP.
19. You think your military training is seriously worth college credit.
20. Your picture is outside the Career Planner's office.
21. You have whitewalls on your head, but not your car.
22. You don't drink 8 hours prior to duty.
23. You have a star on your good cookie. (OR EVEN HAVE ONE!)
24. You consider going to Carl's a night on the town.
25. You think that officers fly planes because they are too stupid to work
on them.
26. You still know the words to the "Marine's Hymn."
27. You say things are 'good to go,' or' outstanding.'
28. You haven't been laid in over a year.
29. Your favorite game is Spades.
30. You think stuff like this should be done on your own time.
31. Still imitate your drill instructors.
32. You do MCI¹s to better yourself.
33. You call cadence to yourself.
34. You get your haircut at the 7-Day Store.
35. You've ever given a period of instruction.
36. You've ever "locked" anybody on.
37. You use CLP as cologne.
38. You use Aqua Velva aftershave.
39. You iron your deuce gear for a S & A (Serviceability and
Accountability) inspection.
40. You have a dog named "Chesty."
41. You have a blues cover in the back window of your car.
42. You've ever done anything for love of Corps.
43. You display your rank on the windshield of your car.
44. You press your cammies an hour after you get them from he cleaners.
45. You think the Air Force is nasty.
46. You have a subscription to 'Leatherneck.'
47. You use the term "hard charger" on a subject other than batteries.
48. You think your unit doesn't PT enough.
49. You think Motrin cures things.
50. You wear your dog tags to the beach.
51. You've ever painted rocks to give the Co Gunny the impression YOU would
make a great police sergeant.
52. You still use drill instructor clichés.
53. You've ever been with a battalion tasked with fighting fires and
considered that good training.
54. All your underwear still has your laundry number on it.
55. You stencil your name on your jeans.
56. You refer to regular clothes as 'civvies.'
57. You've ever ironed your sheets for field day.
58. You practice rifle manual with a swab.
59. You get your hair cut once a week.
60. You've been to Whisper Alley.
61. You've ever worn out an ironing board.
62. You hang your dirty laundry from the foot of your bed.
63. More than half of your wardrobe was purchased at the PX.
64. You "quarter-deck" your kids.
65. You practice line training on your wife.
66. You argue with people because San Diego is a far better boot camp than
the PI, or vice versa.
67. You refer to your SNCOIC as 'Daddy.'
68. You've decided to put off leave until the IG or MCCRESS was over.
69. You use your seabag as luggage when you go on leave.
70. You have a picture of the Commandant in your room.
71. You wear your wooly pully with Levis.
72. You wear your all weather coat with regular clothes.
73. The horn on your car plays the 'Marine Hymn.'
74. You feel your black patent leathers go well with the gray pin stripe
suit.
75. You've ever starved until dinner because you woke up too late to go to
the chow hall.
76. You pick up a woman in a bar and she takes you to base housing.
77. You stay there.
78. You have the misconception that you can kick someone's ass because
they're in the Navy.
79. If you've ever suggested that your unit goes on a hump.
80. You've ever gone to a bar or dance club in your blues.
81. You seriously think that your GI Bill will pay for your
college education.
82. You've ever slept with a WM.
83. You take your 782 gear camping.
84. You found CPL (NCO) School motivating.
85. You can be found in Carl's or the other bar that was in "Heart Break
Ridge" every weekend.
86. You like 'Tun Tavern' Beer.
87. You have a camouflage comforter on your bed.
88. You keep MREs around just in case you get hungry.
89. You go to the chow hall to meet women.
90. You think people should be court-martialed for running into a building
to avoid colors.
91. You've ever had razor burn on your head.
92. You signed the Chesty Puller stamp petition.
93. You've ever used the term 'very well' in normal conversation.
94. You call cadence during sex.
95. Your kids have a rack display just like you did in boot camp.
96. You know MaryBeth is the owner of Carl's.
97. Have asked your wife for a weekend libo pass.
98. Or asked your wife for an out of bounds chit.
99. Counseled the wife or kid.
100. Still give a ****.

EX-MARINE, 70, KILLS TOUR THUG

By BRIGITTE WILLIAMS-JAMES and JOE LOPEZ, Post Wire Services

February 23, 2007 -- A retired 70-year-old Marine killed a mugger with his bare hands after a tour bus of U.S. senior citizens was held up in the Costa Rican city of Limon, authorities said yesterday.

The retiree squeezed the 20-year-old mugger in a headlock, broke his clavicle and choked him, police said.

The thief's two accomplices, who were armed, fled as other retirees on the bus started defending themselves. The group then drove the unconscious mugger to a local Red Cross clinic, where he was declared dead.

Local police named the former Marine as Allan Clady, but could not say where in the United States he resides.

The 12 tourists involved in the incident on Wednesday were on a stopover from the Carnival Cruise ship Liberty.

Local Police Chief Luis Hernandez said no one would be charged in the incident.

"They were in their right to defend themselves," he said.

Making Love

A group of Marine Corp Officers are standing around talking when a Lieutenant said,
"I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."

Captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that.
I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."

Then a Major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than that.
I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work."

They are all contemplating these revelations when a Gunnery Sergeant walks by.
The officers call the Gunny over to ask his opinion.

The Major says, "Excuse me, Gunny, we are having a discussion and would like your input.
The Lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work. The Captain says that making
love is 60% fun and 40% work. I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work.
Gunny, what is your opinion?"

The Gunny smiles and says, "Sir, you are all wrong.
Making love must be 100% fun because if there was any work involved,
you would have the enlisted Marines doing it for you."

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.

3. Have a plan.

4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."

7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (lateral & diagonal preferred.)

9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.

They will only remember who lived.

13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

2. Kill every living thing within view.

3. Adjust Speedo.

4. Check hair in mirror.

Army Ranger Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.

2. Locate individuals requiring killing.

3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.

4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.

2. Sew patch on right shoulder.

3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"

5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint presentation.

6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.

8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.

9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.

Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Watch porn.

4. Deploy the Marines

The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its
most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor.

During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) commander, whose unit
was fighting alongside the Marines, called the legendary Marine General
Chesty Puller to report a major Chinese attack in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean officer.

General Puller asked for another count and got another excited answer
"Many, many, many Chinese!"

"X*#d*mmit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine liaison officer on the radio."

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "exactly how many Chinese you got up there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God." exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who
knows how to count."

P.S. Your girlfriend called.

Hillary for 2008??

I got one.

Pool Closed for 5 Minutes.